So you’ve decided that you would like to pre-pay your funeral expenses…  

How will your money be invested?  

It’s your choice. As I said last week, there are three different invest ments offered at the Blenheim Community Funeral Home each with it’s own characteristics:  

Annuity or an Insurance Policy: 

– Pre-arranged funeral can be paid in full or in installments  

– Can be purchased as a “joint first to die” to be used for whomever dies first 

– All principal and interest is returned to you on cancellation – Excess funds can be paid to a beneficiary tax free 

Trust: 

– Pre-arranged funeral can be paid in full or in installments – All principal and interest is returned to you on cancellation – Growth can change quarterly 

– Excess funds are paid to the estate and are taxable Insurance: 

– Pre-arranged funeral can be paid in full or in installments – Can be purchased as a “joint first to die” to be used for whomever dies first 

– If paid in full and cancelled, the premium paid is reimbursed but if paid on a time pay, the cash surrender value is paid 

– If paid over time and death occurs within 24 months, the death benefit is limited but after 24 months the death benefit is the full funeral amount plus growth. 

– Excess funds can be paid to a beneficiary tax free. 

There really are good points for any type of investment, but the choice is yours. For more information, don’t hesitate to call. 

Pre-arranged Funerals Explained 

Last week I wrote about pre-planning a Funeral Service for yourself or for someone whose affairs you have been entrusted with. I ended it with the statement that there is no obligation to pre-pay your funeral expenses but that there are some advantages if you do.  

The benefit of pre-paying funeral expenses is that your executors will not have to pay any additional money for the services that have been guaranteed. This is how it works: if I prepay my funeral today, that money will be invested. If I die in twenty years, the Funeral Home will figure out what the cost of the same services are at that time.  

Theoretically there will be enough money plus interest to cover the cost of the services at that time. If there’s not enough to cover the costs, then the Funeral Home will absorb the loss. If there is too much money, 

then my estate will be entitled to the difference. And as long as the invested money is used to pay funeral expenses, the interest that has been earned is not subject to income tax.  

There are different types of investments that we offer at the Blenheim Community Funeral Home. And it’s important to note that the money you invest does not get paid to the Funeral Home until after the person for whom the pre-arrangement is for has died. If you were to choose that your money would be placed into a trust fund or into an annuity, that money remains your money and if you ever choose to withdraw your pre-arrangement, the original deposit plus all of the interest that it has accumulated would be returned to you. Another choice that you have would be to purchase insurance to cover your funeral expenses.  

However, if you were to cash in an insurance policy ahead of time then you would receive a cash value which may be less than what you paid. I will explain that more next week. 

What are the reasons that I would  pre-arrange my own funeral? 

First, I would want to help my family by answering some questions that they might not know the answers to. I’m pretty sure my kids know my Mom’s maiden name but I’m also pretty sure they don’t know where 

she or my Dad were born. If I don’t write some things down for them, they’ll have to go searching.  

Next, what do my kids know about my final wishes? Burial vs.  cremation? Do I want to be buried in Blenheim or Ridgetown? If I opt for cremation, do I want to purchase an urn or use the container that comes from the crematorium? Do I want my cremated remains interred in the ground, inurned in one of the new columbariums or scattered? Do I want to have a traditional service or do I want something simple that won’t include using the Funeral Home? Would I want to have a clergy perform a service and who would it be? Which newspapers would I want an obituary placed in? Would I want wood or steel casket? Would I want to rent or purchase? Is there any special music that I want to have played or anything that I would want to have said? Questions, questions, questions! 

I think that my family talks more about funerals than some because  it’s a big part of our lives. However, if I made up a list of multiple choice questions about my wishes and handed one to each of my kids, their  answers would vary greatly. And so what would happen if four strong willed people had to make those final decisions together? It’s called  conflict and it hurts families. I don’t want that to happen.  

A pre-arranged funeral plan is a good thing. If you aren’t comfortable coming to the Funeral Home, I can come to you. A pre-arranged funeral plan can stop when all of the questions are answered and there’s no  obligation to pre-pay although there are some advantages if you do. More about that next week.  

Last week I wrote in my musings that I was going to challenge you and make you think about some of the things that can happen or things that can happen differently when it comes to funerals.

Probably the most common question that gets raised is cremation vs burial.  Is it less expensive to be cremated?  The answer is that it can be.  The cost of a funeral is largely dependent on the kind of services you want and the purchases that you make.

Certainly, the most inexpensive service is the one where cremation takes place and the ashes are returned to the family to do what they choose.  In that case there is no visitation, no service, no flowers and no cemetery costs.  If you want to have a gathering, it can take place in your back yard, at a restaurant or on a beach.  As I have pointed out before, while many people think that it is illegal to scatter ashes, it is not.  The key point though is scattering which can take place on any crown land or in any crown water.  You need to ask permission if you want to scatter ashes on private property.  You cannot bury an urn anyplace other than a cemetery.  If you bury an urn in the woods someplace and someday someone comes across it, an attempt to find the owner will take place and the urn will be returned to you.

When it comes to cremation vs burial, it is possible to have the exact same services and, in that case, the difference would come with the cemetery costs.  To explain that, whether you chose cremation or burial, you can use the same casket, you can have the same visitation, the same funeral service, buy the same flowers, have the same luncheon etc.  The difference would be that when you go to the cemetery to inter a casket you need a cement vault and with an urn you do not so you save there.  Also, to open a grave for a casket in a cemetery operated by Chatham-Kent, the cost (including tax) is $1297.75 compared to a cremation opening which is $423.87  Also, in each grave you can inter one casket plus two cremations or if there is no casket, you can inter four cremations.

Cremation continues to become more and more popular.  This year, approximately 70% of the funerals completed here have involved cremation and the majority of those cremations have not included going to a cemetery.  Sometimes families choose for the most inexpensive service because that is what the person who died really wanted.  Any funeral home can help you with that…we all offer the simplest of services to the most involved services.  The choice is yours.

Until next week,

Marc

As a funeral director, I do my very best to make a funeral service whatever it is that a family needs it to be.  I’ve said before that we have thrown away the rubber stamp funeral and embraced the thought that there aren’t any rules anymore (except for the legal ones).  Every family is different and every life that has been lived is different so my advice to you is that if you follow your heart, you will have no regret.

Personalization seems to have become a key word in the funeral industry now.  I believe that personalization is a great thing, but just remember that it doesn’t need to come with a big price tag.

Let me give you this analogy:  when you buy a new car, you give a lot of thought to what you need vs what you want.  When I was a kid, there was a choice between a Chevrolet Biscayne, Bel Air or Impala.  In 1963 those cars would have run between $2322 – $3170 depending on the model and accessories that you chose (or how you personalized it).  An interesting fact though is in terms of production, about 61% of the Chevy’s produced that year were the higher end model.  So even though a Biscayne would have gotten you to the same place, consumers showed that they would prefer getting to that place in an Impala.  I don’t know if that was because they really wanted to drive an Impala or whether it was the fact that most of their neighbours had Impala’s sitting in their driveways and they felt that they needed to do the same.

Over the next two or three weeks I am going to challenge you and make you think.  As I said, I am all for personalization.  In fact, I often ask families what we can do to make a funeral a reflection of the life that was lived instead of the rubber stamp funeral of days gone by.  But there are things that you can do yourself to personalize a funeral without making it cost a lot more.  Stay tuned!

Marc

This is the final week for Breaking Bad News To Children…so far we have covered:

1. Wait Until You Have The Complete Story
2. Faith and Fibs
3. Use Age Appropriate Language
4. Allow Time For Grief
5. Share Bad News Together
6. Choose The Right Moment
7. Leave The Conversation Open

The following three are the last of the guidelines that Dr. Bill Webster discusses:

8. Consider The Child’s Perspective: It’s pretty safe to say that if you are delivering bad news to a child, that you will be hurting as well. Don’t dismiss any of the things a child says as nonsense. It may be a big deal to your child that Grandpa’s watch also died a few months ago but they got a new battery and it worked again. The child may be thinking that there’s a solution to death. And even if you can’t figure out what the logic is to the things they are asking about, at least you are there and you are listening. Don’t write off behaviours as callous or self-centered especially in teenagers. There is a reason for every reaction and you need to figure out the why’s of behaviours before you can figure out the how’s to help.

9. Go Ahead And Cry: Expressing your emotions gives another person permission to do the same. Crying is perfectly okay. And children learn from their parents so they will understand too that crying is okay. Just as learning that crying is okay, you can also be the role model to show that there comes a time when you are able to talk about the situation and not cry. Sometimes there comes a point that you need to save those tears for times you are with friends or when you are alone.

10. Apply Distraction Carefully: While distractions may serve their purpose by softening the news and letting the child absorb what you are saying in small doses, keeping them too busy so that they don’t have time to adjust to a loss or work through their grief is not good. I guess it would be like an adult being over medicated during the initial stages of grief…once the medication wears off, the loss is still there waiting to be worked through.

To learn more about Dr. Bill Webster, visit www.griefjourney.com

Until next week,

Marc

Last week I started talking about Dr. Bill Webster’s information regarding 10 guidelines for telling children bad news. So far I covered:

1. “Wait Until You Have The Complete Story”
2. “Faith and Fibs”
3. “Use Age Appropriate Language”.

Following these come:

4. Allow Time For Grief: Despite your readiness to move on, don’t rush your child. Grief may be a new emotion and he/she may need more time to work through being able to express that. Make sure that children understand that it’s okay to feel the way they are feeling; that anger is just as normal as sadness and that crying is good. If you are concerned about your childs coping through behavioural issues or plunging grades in school, don’t hesitate to seek help. Remember that sometimes the quiet child who seems to have adjusted more quickly may be the one who needs the most help letting go.

5. Share Bad News Together: It’s a good idea to tell bad news together with your partner or other family members. First, it is a comfort to you to be in the company of people who support and love you and second, this will ensure that everybody gets the same message. It is best to tell children together when the bad news involves a death or a separation that is in the works.

6. Choose The Right Moment: Although there is no good time to share bad news, if it’s possible you might wait until the end of the day. The dinner table or gathering together after dinner is best; that way it hasn’t ruined the entire day for the child. Also, after you have shared the information and everything is winding down for the day you can spend some individual time with each child and reassure them that you will still be there.

7. Keep The Conversation Open: Being able to discuss the situation at any time with your child is invaluable. Your child may come back in an hour or in a week to ask more questions. Let them know that’s okay, and make sure you mean it.

Next week I will finish the three final guidelines…

Marc

I read an article written by Dr Bill Webster about how to break bad news to children. In his article, he gives ten guidelines so this week will be part one of three. You can learn more about Dr. Webster at www.griefjourney.com

These are the first three guidelines he talks about:

1. Wait until you have the complete story: Sometimes kids have a tendency to fill in the blanks with their imagination that paints a much darker picture than the reality. Giving them the whole story is the best way to present the bad news. However, waiting too long to tell them the bad news can be detrimental as well, so be careful.
2. Faith and Fibs: Try to avoid making up facts or sharing things that you hope are facts and don’t fabricate the truth. Dr Webster talks about a lady who tried to comfort her daughter after her cat died by telling her that God wanted another cat in heaven to which the girl wondered why God would want a dead cat. Maybe it would have been better to say that the cat was sick and died so that it wouldn’t hurt anymore. Be careful after the death of a pet by trying to replace wat was lost…a child may be confused about how to respond to a new pet while grieving for the pet that died. Also, be careful about clichés like “grandma went to a better place” because children may wonder what they did to make this place so miserable that grandma felt she would be better off someplace else.
3. Use Age Appropriate Language: You would use different language telling a four year old the same news that you would tell a ten year old because using terms they don’t understand would leave them confused. Use simple terms and clear explanations. For a child up to five years old, make them feel safe by holding them on your lap or talk to them on their bed…their safe places. Try to be calm and roll with their reactions. Many young children really can’t grasp the realities of death or divorce. If you say that Mommy is gone, they will think that she is gone but she’ll be back. And so their reactions may be more like “okay…can we go to the park and play”?

More next week,Marc