If I was to ask you as a grieving person which part of your journey has been the toughest part, the question alone would be difficult to answer. For someone who is grieving, every day might seem to be a new and different hurdle. There will be days that you will think that you would be “over it” by now, there will be days when you feel discouraged because you were having good days and then a bad day happens and you feel like you’re on a roller coaster. The truth is that it takes a long time to work through grief and come to a place where you can accept the new life that you have for it’s own merit. In the meantime, consider this:
Take time to accept you loss… whether it is death, divorce or even losing your job, you will grieve. Our minds work in ways and only let us accept loss a bit at a time. At first you’re going to feel like it’s a bad dream and hope that you wake up, but a time will come when you realize that you aren’t going to and you can begin to accept the loss.
Take time to feel your pain…you’re going to have to work through grief and not around it. Experience the emotions, ask the questions, ask for help. As Pastor Bill Terris always tells folks…it’s okay even for grown men to say “I’m hurting and I need a hug”.
Take time to make decisions…try not to make any major decisions too fast. If you can stay comfortably stay where you are living, try to stay there for at least a year. If you have to make major decisions, talk to somebody you trust who will listen and help you out.
Take time to share your journey…you will be surprised how helpful it is when someone can walk beside you in your grief. You may have a friend who has grieved before, you may find someone who has experience in grief counselling or you might find a group to join if you are comfortable.
We live in a guilt ridden society and it’s not hard to find something to feel guilty about, so take time to forgive yourself for the things you said or did, or even the things you didn’t say or do (hindsight is usually better than foresight). Also, you can forgive the person who has died as well.
Take time…
Marc
