The eighth stage of the grief cycle is called State of Inertia. This is the time when you will feel like doing nothing; the time when you will be sitting in your car, watching a train come down the tracks and wondering what use there is in carrying on. This is another stage like depression and what you really need is friends because it becomes too easy to wall yourself off from society. A good thing to do for yourself is to make goals. Start with something simple; list one or two tasks that you can to accomplish the next day, whether it is cleaning out a drawer or cleaning the car and then make sure that you accomplish your goal. You’ll be surprised how much better you will feel having done that.
The ninth stage is called Hope. There will come a time when you realize that there is still a life for you…maybe a new life and a different life, but one that you are able to find meaningful and positive enough to carry on. It doesn’t mean that you forget the life you had, it doesn’t mean that you get over your grief…it just means that it doesn’t hurt so much to think about the memories.
The final stage of the grief cycle that I will refer to is “Return to Normality”. All of you who have experienced grief will question the word “normality” because it’s never going to be normal again. But in terms of behavior, the word normal refers to “a lack of significant deviation from the average”. So what this means is that there will come a time when you will become able to divest yourself into other things again. Maybe you will find yourself being able to go to work for a day without becoming overwhelmed. Life will never be the same, it just becomes different and you come to accept it for its own merit.
Until next week,
Marc
