2016-10-26 Loss of a child (part 2)


Last week I wrote about a letter that a bereaved mother had written to share what she had learned over the years since her son’s death. This is the second musing about that letter.

The first thing that the Mom wanted people to know is that despite the loss of a child, love never dies. The next part of the letter spoke of the bond that bereaved parents share.

The third thing that the Mom wants to share is that there is no getting over the death of a child. As she states “for as long as I breathe, I will grieve and ache and love my son with all my heart and soul.  There will never come a time where I won’t think about who my son would be, what he would look like, and how he would be woven perfectly into the tapestry of my family.”  You miss all of those life events like birthdays, graduations, weddings, grandchildren…

Next, the Mom talks about some of the bereaved parents that she has met over time and how they are relentless survivors; warrior Moms and Dads who redefine the word brave. There are a lot of parents who have accomplished many things in honour of their children gone too soon.  They increase awareness and effect new laws, they turn tragedy into transformation and loss into legacy.  And in the end, if they are able to spare one more parent from becoming a bereaved parent, their work will have been rewarded.

The Mom then goes on to talk about the fact that “empty” never becomes “less empty”. There will always be an empty space whether it is in a parent’s life, a family photo or the chair at the table.  “Time does not make the space less empty.  Neither do platitudes, clichés or well-wishes for us to move on or stop dwelling from well-intentioned friends or family” she says.  “No matter how you look at it, empty is still empty.  Missing is still missing.  Gone is still gone.”